By Josh
Young, Photography Karina Taira
LIFE
Magazine |
Courtesy of D.
This is the cover
story of the current edition
of the weekend May 5 LIFE
Magazine. Click
here to find out whether
LIFE magazine is a
supplement in your local
newspaper.
After spending nine years as
the maternal heart of the
"Everybody Loves Raymond"
clan, writing a collection
of essays called "Motherhood
and Hollywood" and tending
to four boys (Sam 11; John
9; Joe 7; and Dan 6) with
husband David Hunt, Patricia
Heaton, 47, has learned a
thing or two about being a
mom. On this Mother's Day
weekend (and as "Raymond's"
run comes to an end), Heaton
- who lost her own mom at a
young age - shares a
minivan's-eye view of her
life with kids.
LIFE: What has playing a TV
mom taught you about
parenting?HEATON: That it's easier
when you have someone doing
your hair and makeup, making
your food, and handing you
bottles of water! (laughs)
Actually, I learned that
women can do a lot. To have
four kids - and to have been
pregnant with two of them
while I was working on the
show - was a lot. I just
can't believe I did it!
LIFE: What's it like to
raise kids under the
Hollywood microscope?
HEATON: My children are not
really that aware of it. We
don't watch "Raymond" on TV.
It has nothing to do with
(our) day-to-day life. My
hours on "Raymond" were such
that I got up with them,
made their lunches, dropped
them off at school. I
wouldn't have to go in until
10:00 a.m. and I would be
done by four o'clock or five
o'clock, at which time I
would pick them up, do their
homework with them, then
bath, then dinner.
LIFE: You had your kids
later in life.
HEATON: Yes. I started when
I was 35. We knew that we
wanted more than one. The
fourth was a surprise. But I
like even numbers.
LIFE: I bet that pregnancy
was a result of a vacation.
HEATON: Exactly! Number four
happened in England. I
remember exactly when he was
conceived. I was a little
too relaxed when I was over
there.
LIFE: Is there pressure on
actresses to have a career,
then kids?
HEATON: The entertainment
industry has become much
more friendly toward women
with children. It's very
different when you are
working in an office or as a
lawyer or teacher. Of
course, there are advantages
to having your kids later -
you can establish your
career, and maybe you're
more mature.
On the other
hand, you're always tired!
There is something to be said
for having your kids when
you're in your twenties, if
you can afford it. This is
the other thing: we make the
cost of raising kids higher
than it has to be just
because we feel they need
all this stuff, like
gadgets, certain schools,
and activities that are nice
but aren't really necessary.
LIFE: What's the upside of
having four boys and what's
the downside?
HEATON: There's no downside.
LIFE: Really? Boys are
messier -
HEATON: Which doesn't bother
me. It's a little slobby in
our house. I'm sort of a
slob. My college roommates
will testify to that. Boys
are easy. They're louder and
smellier, but they're
emotionally easier. They get
over stuff quicker. They're
not moody. They're very
simple, and they like simple
things. I don't get to do
all the dress-up and
shopping stuff with them,
but I did that at work.
LIFE: Describe your ideal
Mother's Day.
HEATON: Well, Mother's Day
seems to have gone by
unnoticed for quite a few
years in our house because
we're not great at planning
ahead. You know you've got
to get that Mother's Day
brunch reservation in early!
A good Mother's Day for me
is hangin' out by the pool
and reading the Sunday paper
while [my kids] are playing.
Nothing special. Every day
is Mother's Day - especially
when you are the mom of
boys. I get regular love
notes from my 6-year-old,
and they still love to be
snuggled at night and read
to - even the 11-year-old.
I'm reading him Stephen
Ambrose's book on D-Day, but
still we're reading in bed.
LIFE: No flowers or
chocolate?
HEATON: My husband always
gets me some flowers, and
that's about it. There's no
breakfast in bed. We tend to
go out - it might be at
Denny's. They do good
pancakes. And there's always
the Grand Slam breakfast.
LIFE: Your mom passed away
[due to an aneurysm] when
you were 12. What memories
do you have of her?
HEATON: I have just a few
specific memories of her. I
don't know that she really
got the respect that she
deserved. My mom was a very
intellectual person, and she
would really rather be
reading some philosophical
or theological book than
ironing. But once she had
five kids, that's what she
did - with no help and no
car. She would walk to the
grocery store with this
wagon.
I just remember she
was always either ironing,
cooking, folding laundry,
vacuuming. Once we got old
enough, she made us all do
chores. I had to dust and
vacuum and clean the
bathrooms. Later, when we
were all in school, she
started taking part in more
activities. She was on the
parish council, and she got
her teaching certificate and
started substitute-teaching.
She was just getting out
more when she died. I don't
know that she ever achieved
what could have been her
personal potential.
LIFE: Does your own mother's
sudden death weigh on your
mind now that you're a mom?
HEATON: I do think about it.
Because my mother died when
I was young, I don't take
anything for granted at all.
I'm very aware it could
happen at any time. Believe
me, it's the last thing
you'd ever want to happen to
your kids. I know that it's
tough, but it's not the end
of the world because I went
through it.
LIFE: Have you written
anything for your kids, just
in case?
HEATON: I do keep notebooks,
one for each of the boys. I
make entries every once in a
while and say [things like],
"You are 10 years old now.
This is what you said to me
today. This is what you're
interested in. This is what
I love about you at this
age." It's tracking their
lives for them through my
eyes.
LIFE: On a different topic,
you recently got attention
for publicly commenting on
the Terri Schiavo case. Why
did you choose to speak out
about it?
HEATON: I think we have to
be really careful in this
country about being cavalier
with life, whether it's on
the spectrum from the
beginning - embryonic stem
cell research and creating
human embryos for scientific
experiments - to the other
end, where you deem
someone's life undignified
to the point where they
shouldn't be living anymore..I just felt it was
really important that people
not just flippantly say,
"Yea, she's a vegetable.
Let's pull the plug."
LIFE: Has faith always been
a part of your life?
HEATON: I was raised
Catholic and I'm
Presbyterian now, but I've
always been a Christian,
regardless of denomination.
I believe that Jesus is the
way. So, of course, I pass
that on to my kids.
LIFE: How does your faith
influence your dreams for
your kids?
HEATON: My goal is not...
that they should achieve a
certain amount of fame or
financial success or even
worldly success. It's not
that I don't think that
education is important, it's
just that you could be a
very educated person and be
soulless. Whatever they end
up choosing to do, my goal
for them is that they know
God in their life. The only
way to know who you are is
to know the one who made
you. That's my hope.
What I've learned from my
kids
1. I've learned that I
didn't really know what love
was until I had them.
2. I've learned patience -
and how to summon it on four
hours of sleep.
3. I've learned how to pick
out head lice - and I don't
really mind doing it, which
is scary.
4. I've learned to look like
I'm listening to long
confusing plots of cartoons
and comic books when I'm
actually sound asleep or
making grocery shopping
lists in my head.
5. I've learned that my kids
have taught me to appreciate
life all over again.
